cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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