I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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