your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
