I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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