Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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