if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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