And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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