yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
