we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
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I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.