your thong is hanging out like whoa
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.