Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.