it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.