Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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