Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
