I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
