Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
