Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
