im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My Higher Power is John Stamos
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Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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