u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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