it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my being single is dangerous.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
