Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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