How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
