do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
