census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize