Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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