I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think my tv is drunk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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