Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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