I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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