He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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