That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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