why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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