You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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