I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
