But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
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Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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