i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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