i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
