i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I smell like Dick and happiness
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
