dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
