you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
