Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're a waste of cheezeits
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
