First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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