Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he puts the penis in happiness.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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