why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
