She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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