So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
