Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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