Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
