i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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