I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
