but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
well you can't waste a boner
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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