honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
