yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
