i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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