There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
