i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
