We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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