Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
