Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
