Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
