The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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