K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
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I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Too much gin, very little bucket
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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