Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
