Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
