So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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