Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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