so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh god the rape fog is back!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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