at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
