We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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