I have demons in me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
