Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
