Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
