Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
